Monday, July 28, 2008

So......It's Day 14

It's going to need to be discussed and interpreted and clarified.....yada....yada..........

But it's real and it appears to be stage 1.

My primary called with the raw results. I asked for the number. Based on what I have read, below 10 might not be myeloma and they have to look further (trust me the alternatives are equally unpleasant). 10 to 30 means "smoldering" and they just watch you and half of all "smoldering" cases never progress. 30 and above is stage 1.

So my PCC is reading the raw data to me, there is one part she doesn't quite get in the alphabet soup, so there are lots of disclaimers. But it does clearly say the results are consistent with a diagnosis of multiple myeloma. She tells me that Dr. Hochstin will clarify all this.

So I say "What's the percentage?"


"Bummer. I was rooting for 11."

She burst out laughing. "You are so funny."

So I call Grace. I tell her first. You see she was peeved about not being first last time. She tells me about someone she works with having a brother who had it recently and went to Dana Farber. I tell her to get a name. This reminds me that Bette was worried that I would be closed off to other opinions. I'm not. I was just trying not to get ahead of myself.

Then I call Jen, she reminds me that we see her MS guy on Monday and he is a big muckety muck at BI Deaconess. Since MS is a stress driven disease we can tell him that my MM is stressing Jen and he should take care of it. LOL I can be treated like Jen's other symptoms.

I call my Dad, he'll tell my Mum. I'm getting tired of saying it.

I call my brother, he's not home. I leave a message to call me. He knows nothing.

Grace calls back "Did you call Frankie (our brother, as opposed to my son, my father, my uncle, my cousin, my nephew.....well you get the idea.)?" I tell her "Yeah, I said hey, I have cancer. Talk to you later." Grace laughs and says at least now he will pay attention to my half ripped apart bedroom and get down here to drywall it.

I have to go to work. That will be harder because people are looking in my face.

They will be looking for fear. There is none. Just this something I can't explain. I can't get over the fact that I need to apologize. Especially to my parents.


Pia said...

I have no lofty words to impart, I never know what to say for this sort of thing. But don't apologize and I won't either, just make it better. If ever a good place to be for your situation, it would be Boston. Keep us posted and God bless you Maggie.

FbL said...

No lofty words here either, but a thought--that non-fear look in your face is shock (despite all the scenarios you ran in your head). And it's okay. Take it as you are able. *hugs*

I don't know if you're getting inundated with calls, so I won't call you. But please call me, if you like. I'd love to talk to you. :)

BostonMaggie said...

Thanks kids! You are both good eggs.