Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Princess Crabby Self Medicates

So after SB told Jennifer last night and she scolded me for a half hour....complete with gestures (finger pointing and "talk to the hand")....she determined that my parents would be told sooner rather than later. I was advocating that we just keep this between us for the time being and when the bone marrow biopsy results were known next week. Jennifer shot that down as lethally and effectively as any Hellcat pilot in WWII.

My parents are still at the cottage, so up to the porch we went this morning. I got there first so I just made myself breakfast and hung out. My mother was relaxing on the porch and we were talking about nothing in particular. My father was doing prepacking. They are leaving Friday morning, so he is getting ready. There are plans and lists and decisions to be made, schedules to think of. He is extremely orderly. He is always trying to explain this stuff to me. My father is eternally hopeful that at some point I will see the light and become organized. HA!

Anyway, Jen shows and sits on the porch with my mother. I ask my father to come out to the porch so I can talk to him. I have a nervous smile that I can't squelch. Like I am going to tell him that we hit the number. I know it's inappropriate.....but I can't stop it. He smiles back and comes out to the porch. Jen and my mother are in the big easy chairs with thick cushions that Grace and I would fight over when we were kids. If our grandmother was there she got one of the two, no question......Grace and I would fight over the remaining one.

Anyway, my father smiles at me and says "Yes, yes?"

I look at Jennifer. She say "What? I have to tell them?" I can't even croke out the appropriate response of "No duh!" so I just nod. What the hell does she think I wanted her there for?

She starts talking and I want to run! LOL But I am also frozen.

Then it's over. It's all said. They have a few questions, but I can talk now. We are in the details and not the big picture. We are discussing the actual cancer and I am not afraid of the actual cancer. LOL, not at all. We discuss symptoms and staging and treatment options and alternative diagnoses that would explain the presence of Bence-Jones proteins in my urine. I am not longer frightened. I have a very "it is what it is" attitude about this part. I am on solid ground with this part. The nuns taught us to pray not to avoid death, but the pray for a happy and peaceful death. I am completely certain of the afterlife. I have no fear in that regard. None.

However, upsetting my parents................that is completely different. Had they cried in front of me I would have dissolved into a puddle.

They didn't. Whew! So I came into work and treated my stress. I picked up some Coke, some M&Ms and mixed them appropriately. When you add M&Ms to the Coke and mix or stir the Coke becomes cloudy as the candy coating begins to dissolve. This is different than casually eating M&Ms while you sip Coke. It's sort of like mainlining.

It's all good now.

My parents have several hours to digest this news before we go to dinner tonight. My father has announced he will tell Grace - whew! and my brother Frankie.

After they leave on Friday morning, I will go back on Atkins and start up the gym again.

But for now......the sugar and caffeine feel really good coursing through my system.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"damn the torpedo's full speed ahead" "I have not yet began to fight" The Navy spirt that you so dearly love and talk about and have in your own self will get you thru this battle. I will be praying for yoy maggie