Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Proving A Negative

Pretty much everyone I have told about this myeloma business has been great. They are sympathetic but not mushy. They offer stories about people they know to bolster my spirits. They tell me they are there for me and what can they do for me.

One problem - The people who tell me I am calm because I am in denial. First off, that's kinda arrogant. How do *you* know what I am feeling? Why would you argue with me about what I am feeling?

Also, if you took your head out of your ass long enough you might realize that this is not *news* to me. Yes, I am telling you and you are surprised but I have known for six weeks. I've had my weak moments of panic and shock. I have heard it and absorbed it. I am over it.

So think twice before you go all Dr. Phil on me and tell me what *I* am thinking. Do not disparage me by saying that *I* don't know. I know.

I am not afraid. That is not shock. That is a lifetime of Catholic teaching and the genetic code from hundreds of years of black Irish/Druid heritage. That is the combination of unshakable faith and fatalism.

I'm fine...........but don't piss me off.......that hasn't change. I'm not going to get all nice.

It is what it is. I am totally ok with it.


Stella said...

My husband used to tell me sometimes denial is a good thing. Well, maybe for some, but not for others. You are so right. It is absolutely arrogant to tell people how they feel. This is no time for judgmentalism.

I wish you the best. My cancer was different , so what do I know anyway? We all have our own way of dealing with things. Deal in your own way and I will continue to wish you healing and respect your feelings.

Besides, I hate Dr. Phil. He's not even a real doctor. Take care, Maggie. I'm just going to tell you you're a tough one: and I admire tough. Fight on, Maggie, and stick to what's best for you.

BostonMaggie said...

Thanks Stella and just to be clear this post was in no way directed at you and the comment you left the other day.

Galrahn said...

"So think twice before you go all Dr. Phil on me and tell me what *I* am thinking."

This is why I have a snow globe on my desk, always available to consult when the required course of action is to read someones mind for the answer to their own question.

Psychotherapy by friends and family is usually a sign of how they cope, not how you cope. When it gets to be annoying, ask them why they think the Ricki Lake approach to the issue is the best course of action for them.

BostonMaggie said...

****Psychotherapy by friends and family is usually a sign of how they cope, not how you cope****

Ha! As usual, Galrahn steps up and tells me to stop whining and suck it up!!!!!!

Why don't you just tell me "Maggie, it's not always about you!"

LOL, good job. I will be nicer (not actually *nice*, just *nicer*)

Upstate IT Guy said...

Because one day I might suggest it really isn't about you, and you might believe me...


Anonymous said...

I truly appreciate your resolute reaction to this news. For much of my early life I feared the unknown, but some experiences formed during a part of my life aptly described by Psalm 107:23-20 changed my outlook regarding the tribulations that come to us all:

They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters; these saw the works of the LORD, and his wonders in the deep.
For he commanded, and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves thereof. They mount up to the sky, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted away because of trouble. They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wit's end. Then they cry to the LORD in their trouble, and he brings them out of their distresses. He makes the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then they are glad because they are quiet; and he brings them to their desired haven.

While I am not particularly religious, this passage speaks to me because of my chosen profession. You too are a sailor at heart and remain an important person in the heart of some sailors. Lean on your faith and let no man (or woman) tell you how you should live.


Benjamin Walthrop

SK said...

I don't know about your other friends, but I'm always good for sending "angel" pics :)

BostonMaggie said...

SK - That was such a funny angel pic I am torn between printing it to share and enjoying the inside joke.

G - Thanks goodness you gave up in trying to convince me that it isn't all about me. That could have gotten messy.

Benjamin - Thank you for the kind words. I am terribly moved and flattered.