My Life Is Not My Own

As I explained earlier, I was relieved that my father offered to tell Grace when they got back to the city.

That meant a short reprieve from being yelled at.

You think it's a bed of roses being me? No. Jennifer yelled at me. My boss has been telling me I *should* do this and I *should* do that. I knew Grace would be just as upset and critical.

Everyone seems to know what's best. Very few people are happy to just defer to my judgement in how *I* handle my own shit. I don't mean people out here. My fellow bloggers and my Navy coterie have been EXCELLENT. SB has been a rock.

So I left the front porch this morning and went to work confident that I had a day or two to prepare for the next round of yelling, finger pointing and questions.

I worked for a little bit.....and I mean a *little* bit. Then I went to get my hair colored. Then it was back to work for a while before I met my parents and Jen for dinner. No sooner did I get the cell phone onto the charger before walking back to the kitchen to get a drink.....than the girls were yelling that it was ringing.

I picked it up and looked.

Grace.

Shit.

I also saw a text from Jen, "I told Grace, she's calling you." I sent back "Wench!", she responded "Yes".

I called Grace. "Who is with you?" I told her I was in the office and that Bette and Nicole were in the room, Pat and Rachael were out front. She asked me to have Bette slap me because she was sure that Bette could slap me pretty hard.

Thanks Jen.

I got through the phone call and the rest of the afternoon and then it was back to the cottage. I said to my Dad "I thought you were taking care of Grace?" He explained "I was going to but Mummy (again, this slays me, we never called her Mummy and I am 47!) told Jennifer (he will not refer to her as Jen or allow us to either) to do it." He held his hands out, palms up to signify his powerlessness and innocence.

I explained to my mother that I liked it the way it was. She said too bad. I explained that Grace and Jen were angry with me and she asked why, it was my cancer and my decision. I said yes, except when you make the decisions..............she said "Yes".

I am exhausted.