Sunday, January 23, 2011

Another Voice From The Past....

....and I am reminded that it is better to be lucky than good. And that being lucky isn't the same as being strong.

I have no idea if I am strong. You don't know if I am either. But I am damn sure lucky! I have led a charmed life. This cancer is by far the worst thing that's ever happened to me. It could have been disastrous. But it's not. When this happened so many people have rushed in to cushion the blow. I am very grateful. But we will never know what I would have done. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful I don't have to find out. But in talking to family members lately there is someone who was not so lucky & who squandered her subsequent "opportunities".

But squandering opportunities after the damage is done .........doesn't that just mean you aren't strong?
So she wasn't lucky.......and she wasn't strong.

My father doesn't get it. He had a somewhat tough childhood and prides himself on having pulled himself up. He joined the Navy. He did well there. He came back and worked two sometimes three jobs. He took full advantage of the GI bill. He lived carefully and invested wisely. He was smart and tough. His best decision was to marry my mother since she turned out to be his greatest ally. He took care of his family and clearly, he continues to do so.

So when life knocks someone down, my father expects them to get back up swinging. And if you try, he tries. But if don't, if you fail. Well. Or worse, if you blame others. Well.

People tell me I am strong. But that's complete rubbish. I am just a leaf bobbing on the surface, swept downstream by currents beyond my control.

But I am a lucky leaf. And it's good to be lucky. And to this voice from my past, all I can say is I am so so sorry that you weren't lucky.


ORPO1 said...

Very eloquent, indeed.
My go around with cancer was a very brief thing. A large mass was found on the left kidney and the kidney was removed. I had my first CT Scan this past fall. It came up clean.
I have to have the annual scans until I am sixty. Small price to pay.
I marvel at your attitude regarding your fight.

Charity said...

I love this post, I randomly clicked on it 2 weeks ago and it's what got me into your blog. I should just print it out!

It's true. You're either lucky or you're not. Chance is chance, I think we all question why something awful happens, but really there's not a point. If you get knocked to the floor you either have the strength to get up again or you don't. Neither action defines you as good or bad. All anyone can do is hope for luck and pray for strength.

I like your "lucky leaf" analogy. You seem both lucky and strong to me. :)