Feeling The Squeeze

 My father passed away very suddenly June 29th. He was in excellent health right up until a bout of stomach pain became a gall bladder removal which revealed sepsis and then gone in the blink of an eye.

People asked how I was and I revealed truthfully that it wasn't real. I joked that I would schedule my breakdown later in the week. That I would get some chocolate, order a pizza and put on "An Affair to Remember" & "Imitation of Life". That'd be a good cry.

But two weeks later it still isn't real. I want to call his house and listen to the answering machine but I'm afraid the phone will have already been shut off.

And, of course I'm staring down the barrel of the 7th Anniversary in two weeks of my Frankie's passing on the 28th.

Feeling the squeeze.

Today on Twitter some movie director or cinematographer was talking about "The Road to Perdition" & I remember really liking it.

So that was tonight's movie. 

There's a scene where Michael, Jr. is leaving the room & suddenly hugs Michael, Sr. fiercely. 

And I just couldn't breathe 

So that was a half hour ago.

I am quite sure they are together now, chuckling at me.

1,826 Days

 I slept through most of today.

Circus Peanuts

 When I was young there were certain candies my mother favored to my astonishment. Things like Canada Mints & candy corn. The grossest was circus peanuts.

Later I used to say that she picked those treats because she knew she wouldn't have to share.

My Mum has been gone 200 days.

I was online shopping for some household supplies like facecloths & a dish drying mat. As usual, suggestions were at the bottom of the screen; shampoo...dish soap.....and

Well, hello Mum! I think about you too. Say hi to Frankie for me.

My Mum

 My Mum passed away December 8th. As much as it hurt, it meant peace for her after a long battle with Parkinson. She went to sleep beside my father, the only man she ever loved and slipped away. They had celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary the previous June.

I am comforted by my firm belief that she arrived in Heaven to be greeted by my delighted son Frank & her parents & many more loved ones. Now she knows only happiness.

Yesterday would have been her 83rd birthday. I spent the day trying my hardest not to think about.

But here it is waiting for me today.

Happy Birthday Mum!  I miss you.

Why Am I Awake?

It's nearly 0430. Later this morning I will I meet my new oncologist. 

Dr. Miller is 74. He has had to step back with Covid & all. So they are finally dividing us up. 

This is not a place I ever expected to be. Twelve years ago, I had a five year prognosis.

My current treatment plan is working out well.  I don't want things to change.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hope she likes me!

12 Years

Twelve years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma.  Nothing was particularly wrong. Numbers from my yearly physical were pointing toward anemia & a neoplasm. So there were tests & biopsies & MRIs. Within a few weeks they had it all nailed down.  Stage IIIA MM subtype IgA lambda. IgA was known to be refractory, which means difficult to treat, and known to have poor outcomes.

Five years was the prognosis.

And refractory is just what I am. Front-line treatments did not produce a sustained response.

My stem cell transplant produced a mere 22 month remission.

Pomalyst caused other problems, so I had to come off.

I'm slow, a little dull, prone to infection & weak.

But thanks to my fabulous hematological oncologist at Tufts/NEMC, Dr Kenneth Miller & everyone on South 8......

Here I am, seven years past my "expiration date".  Grateful every day.

It Seems I Only Come Here To Beef

So I'll post something pleasant.

Tomorrow evening, June 24th, the Massachusetts Historical Society is hosting an online event.

Mary Beth Norton will give us a preview of her new book, a narrative history of the “long       
year” of 1774, or the months from December 1773 to April 1775, which have tended to be overlooked by historians who focus instead on the war for independence. But John Adams, who lived through that era, declared that the true revolution took place in the minds of the people before a shot was fired at Lexington. The year 1774, Norton argues, was when that revolution occurred.

1774: The Long Year of Revolution