Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Happy Pills

I am not one that advocates a pill for every ill. I like to try and tough it out for a little while. Then I'll look for alternatives. Then if I have to, I'll take a pill.

Plus, I figured they would be trying to keep prescriptions to a minimum, you know drug interactions and all.

So with this insomnia and fatigue and resulting aches and pains, I have been looking to solve it on my own. I have scented everything with lavender to relax me. I have tried to regulate my sleep schedule. I am looking at different sleep surfaces.

Well imagine my surprise when Dr. H says "Have you considered a sleep aid?" LOL I know I looked really startled, because he asked if I would object to trying it. I said no, I just considered it a last resort. He smiled and wrote a prescription. 50 mg of Trazodone.

Now of course I have to laugh. I have been so busy downplaying my own situation in my head, I was ready to just stiff-upper-lip it for no good reason.

I'm sure he thinks I am a crazy person. When he asked how things were going (today was the 2 week check-in), I prefaced my statement with "I know there are people in every other room here with worse problems, and I am a whiner.....but...." and then I hit him with my problem.

I'm miserable. I'm poor. And I can't keep this up for six months. And if I get to the end of four to six months and there is no benefit I will want to shoot myself.

I've discussed my lack of financial planning before, I am a grasshopper, not an ant. I would not have made it through the last four weeks if it weren't for Jen's "Gang of Girls" and their generous gift. Since going on Revlimid & Dex 14 days ago I have worked exactly half of my regular hours. I told him point blank, I will lose my house at this rate. I am stuck in a little cycle where I either have insomnia and miss some work; take something, feel dopey and miss some work; don't take something and stress so much about it that I sleep clenched in a ball and ache all over and miss some work; or sleep normally. The first week on the drugs I worked 19 hours out of my normal 40 to 45.

I told him I wanted "the Team" to consider putting this treatment off. I have no symptoms. Why not wait and let me save and cut spending and get ready for this?

Instead he wrote this prescription.

God I hope it works because Grace was with me and she reported the whole thing back to my parents.

My parents want to talk to me now.

I don't want to talk to them.

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