Thursday, September 02, 2010


Someone big, no idea who, linked to a picture in an old post. It is driving huge traffic. Three times the normal amount.

Great, huh?

Well I have barely posted anything, so....not really, lol.

I am having an excellent time in Florida. I wouldn't trade this time for anything. But I have been in tears nearly every night. The person I am with is demanding absolute honesty about me and the chemo and how I am dealing with it. I know it's good for me and for us. But, cripes, it hurts.

I know I went on like a crazy person about the pancakes yesterday. On Facebook. On Twitter. So as we sat in the twilight last night on the deck......he pushed for the why.

The pancakes were off. Dinner was off. Not awful. But not right. He's watching me pull out my nifty USS Constitution wheelbook (you are so jealous, huh?) so I can read what I can't remember.

"Ok, dinner sucked.....happy?" he says to push me into talking about what is real and what I am upset about.


Ok, I am on and on about it......but I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I couldn't remember how to make pancakes. I'm afraid because I used to be good at these things. I was effortlessly good at these things. Now I can't because I can't remember and I can't concentrate.

So we sat there in the darkness and I poured it all out.

It's better now. So you will not be so burdened with me ranting like a mad woman about not perfect pancakes and chicken.

Tonight I made Inside-Out Ravioli. And if it's not perfect. That's ok.


Pia said...

Isn't it funny when someone breaks you down like that? We get so good at putting up a brave front, and it's weird when you realize that you don't always have to do that. Whoever you're with, I'm glad he's your friend.

Eagle1 said...

Hangeth in there.