That was my opening statement as I slid into my chair in the infusion room on Friday.
On Tuesday I was devastated to hear that they wanted to tighten up my chemo schedule. I was on Velcade/dex for 11 days in August with 19 days off. I knew that couldn't be repeated. This month they are adding 14 days of Revlimid which run concurrent with the 11 days of Velcade and dex. I knew that Labor Day interfered with scheduling. Besides, staying off for two long would just make October run into BlogWorld time and that wouldn't help me.
But 10 days just didn't leave me enough time to recover and do anything enjoyable.
I was angry and then upset and then depressed and then angry again.
But Wednesday I pulled my head out of my ass and just decided I would play hardball.
Decision made. I picked up Grace at work and she tried the whole way in....and thanks to the traffic, that was a while.....to tell me I had to comply with the doctors. As Grace's daughter Gen pointed out on Facebook, we couldn't be more different. I am not compliant.
I know she is just worried about me messing this up and not getting every benefit from chemo. Plus Grace is very confrontation averse. Do I need to type the words....or do you already know I don't mind confrontation one bit? LOL
Traffic was so bad on routes 28 and 99 that we backtracked to 1A. Just before we turned onto 1A I asked if we could ditch infusion and just head to Beachmont Roast Beef. That got an emphatic "NO!"
So fine, we went to infusion.
I slip into my chair and tell Elizabeth, my infusion nurse......"Page my doctor and tell him to bring his boxing gloves!"
She laughs and asks how I am feeling. Now here I can't just say "Today is a good day." She needs to write down my answers. The troubling tingling & numbness in my feet which could signal the return of the peripheral neuropathy. The strange pain in my scalp that keeps me from brushing my hair the way I like to. The insomnia, mood swings, the memory loss, the confusion, heartburn, chest tightness, shortness of breath the feeling that I am walking around in a lead weight suit like the Mark V Monument. That is probably the most troubling.
Elizabeth finishes her notes and says that both Dr. Miller and Kate the nurse practitioner are nearby and she'll let them know.
Alone, Grace tries to get me to agree to be nice. To be understanding. To tone it down.
Who is she talking to?
So in they come. I have my speech all ready. I will start off by conceding that 19 days was too long. I will sound reasonable. I will talk about how unless there is a compelling medical reason for 10 days, longer is essential to my sanity.
I am barely started....and...BANG! He says 14 days. I laugh out loud. I sound breathless. I am so happy!
Suddenly it doesn't matter that today was a bad stick (I am such a wiener!) and that I am being pumped full of poisons. Kansas is back on! Blogworld is back on! The Grand Canyon is back on! Miami is back on!
Grace and I even laughed later when she wrapped my wrist in the Coban and Grace called it my "Terence bandage". It's funny how devastating that was the first time I made that connection....and now I can roll with it and laugh too!