Sunday, September 12, 2010

Faking It Till You Make It

I have many caring friends and neighbors. I should be more grateful....that's a recurring theme here, isn't it? LOL

People see me and say "How are you feeling?" in this cautious tone. I am conflicted. And depending on the mood I have to bite back all kinds of things.

Friday morning I was walking down the front steps.....slowly. I was a little shaky and my little chemo induced depth perception problem makes me nervous on stairs. I was hoping that the woman I saw approaching the house wasn't anyone I knew. No luck.

"Oh hi! Diane! How are you feeling? You look good." the woman called out from the embankment directly across from the end of the drive way. She stopped, she wanted to talk.

I answered with my standard "It's a good day!" and I smiled but I kept right on moving to the car. She mentioned that she missed me at the meeting for election workers. I said I didn't do that anymore and she said that she knew that in this sad tone. Yeah, I'm sad too. I have been an election worker for twenty years or more. But I don't have the stamina or the brain power anymore. And this Tuesday will be a steroid day....imagine the person who tries to use a cell phone or argues about which ballot they get????? Local news trucks would be racing to Kingston to get footage of the blood on the floor!

Anyway, I said I'd see her Tuesday when I was in to vote. That I can manage.

Saturday I woke up on a total high. Friday was such a victory!

First person who asked me....THE QUESTION was my cousin Jeannie who is down the cottage this weekend. I said "It's a good day!" and this time I was completely sincere. I had slept well and gotten up early. I made breakfast, cleaned my room, and was in the middle of some 9/11 tweets. Several of my tweeps (@s_dog; @KathyK55; & @TheLoon ) had put up the names of 9/11 victims and I was retweeting them. I also RT'd @HerbCarmen's timeline for #WhereWereYou. I think that was an extremely good use of Twitter. I steered clear of all the political stuff....and the angry stuff. September 11th should be about remembering the victims and honoring the sacrifices of 1st responders. I also RT''d people who were doing the same with photo's and newsclips.

So it was a good morning. I had a little energy boost from the steroid and I was in a good mood so no one's life was in danger.

Around noon I decided we'd have chicken for dinner and started making a list. I stopped at my old house to grab some stuff that I am giving to the girls in work and some trash to throw in the dumpster. Then it was up to the cottage, Jeannie wanted me to look at a picture on the wall and tell her some of the people in it. It was the Rocky Nook Winter Banquet from 1959. She found our grandparents and I pointed out our grandfather's sister and brother-in-law; our next-door neighbors and our Uncle Walter. On the way back to the car, I saw that same next door neighbor's grandson-in-law....that's how the Nook is. Same question/same answer, but I was slowing down.

I stopped in work and my boss was there. Same question/same answer, but I can feel myself fading.

I was listening to Joe & Huggy on WTKK. I called in and told them a joke and they were very gracious about missing me. Their first question.....Yup, you guessed it! I was a faithful listener when I worked Saturdays, but it's been a while. They know how sick I am and Joe struggled to explain my absence saying the I've been "under the weather". I laughed at that one.

I spent an interminable amount of time in Walmart. It was crowded, but the problem was me, me, me despite having a list in hand....argghhh!!!

By the time I got back to the house another neighbor spotted me and asked "How are you?" and I wanted to yell "Stop looking at me! Stop talking to me! Stop asking me!"

But I didn't. I said "It's a good day!"

LOL and for the most part it was. Although dinner Jennifer didn't get her dinner until 7:45 pm, lol.

We watched a little of the 9/11 stuff, but it is so painful. Mostly we watched the Food Paradise marathon on the Travel Channel. I wrote down some of the places I want to go. I'm still working on these adventures! There are a couple in Brooklyn. Anybody up for that adventure with me? Peter Luger's Steak House; the Chip Shop for fried candy bars?

And now? I am wide awake with heartburn and hot! If you see me tomorrow....just look away.


Herbal said...

Maggie, I'm glad you had a good day Saturday.

Dbie said...

One of the ladies I work with has been undergoing treatments for breast cancer for a while now, maybe 6 months. She's lost her hair and wears a variety of very pretty hats to cover up her bald head, and is rarely in the office. When I see her, I want to ask her how she's doing, but I know she probably doesn't want to answer that question. Instead, I'll say something like "Hey! It's great to see you! Love your hat- is that new?" I want her to know that I know she's sick and she probably doesn't want to talk about it, and I miss her when she's not around. If she opens up and tells me about how she's really doing... I listen and am grateful for the opportunity to find out how she's REALLY doing instead of the canned "great" or "fine" answer we so often give.

People who love you and care about you will ALWAYS want to know how you're REALLY doing, Maggie. They ask because they care.... and if you give honest answers, you'll quickly figure out who REALLY cares, and who is just asking the question out out courtesy.

So. Maggie.
How are you doing?... and I mean it. Love you, woman. You looked AWESOME at Mark and Caro's wedding, btw!

BostonMaggie said...

Herbal - Thanks!

Dbie - Come on, you know what a bitch I am....

Dbie said...

You are not a bitch... you are PASSIONATE! Very opinionated, not afraid to express it, and passionate about those opinions. Passion is good in my world!