Saturday, October 04, 2008

So, How Will I Know.....

....when I slip off the edge?

My neighbor down the street, whose whole family my family is close to, passed this morning. A truly nice woman who was married to her husband for about fifty years and raised five children. I have known her since I was a little girl.

I knew her situation was dire. She has been ill for years. Recently she elected hospice coverage. My company supplied equipment. I was familiar with the details of her diagnosis.

I saw her with my own eyes when I would pop down with my mother's coffee cake or Jen's cookies or something I made. I saw that there was nothing left of her. I was sitting beside her on Wednesday morning.

Yet when her daughter flagged my car down this morning, I was shocked.

Why?

Was I blocking it?

Was I blocking it because of my own situation?

I was rocked back on my heels as I hugged her daughter who sobbed so hard she trembled in my arms.

How would I have taken this back in May?

4 comments:

Stella said...

I want you to know something. I visit because I admire your fire and intellect. Your neighbor's passing would naturally make you want to block your thoughts.

Of course, I can't adequately respond to the profundity of your questions. That you dig deep within yourself and ask them makes me admire your all the more.

I can, however, send you good thoughts: but then, I always do.

BostonMaggie said...

Thanks Stella.

AFSister said...

Your reaction was perfectly normal. No matter how familiar we are with the medical diagnosis of those who are sick and dying, the announcement of death is still stupifying.

My ex's aunt struggled with breast cancer for YEARS. Years of "she only has a few months left" messages from the doctors did not prepare us for the "Sandy died" phone call.

As people we know die, it does bring our own morality into question- even if we're not faced with a cancer diagnosis like you are, Maggie. Having that diagnosis made her death more personal for you, making your reaction just that much more understandable.

*hugs*

BostonMaggie said...

Thanks "Partner"!