Levels of Boston Irishness

*********Note. I didn't write this. I didn't think it up. It was sent to me in an email (as noted below - 2nd, rude anonymous commenter) and I did a little cut and paste, added links and pics. The email did not identify the author. However, the first anonymous commenter did know and helpfully supplied the link. You can follow this link to the original written by Jerry Thornton at Barstool Sports, it's even funnier, because this is just an excerpt. **********
There are levels of Boston Irishness:
Light Green: Irish in name only. This guy is originally from "ahhtastate" (out of state). Now lives in the suburbs. A private sector, white collar guy who either works at one of the law firms or a financial institution. St. Patrick's to him means breaking out the green tie and the shamrock flag for the front of the house. Also on St. Patty's, his wife will dress the kids in green for school, though the school's Diversity Policy celebrates every culture but the Irish.
Mint Green: Moved out of the city as a kid. Either has a government job or knows someone who does, especially cops. Likes a pint, but around the age of 30 developed a taste for Jameson's. MP3 player is full of Dropkick Murphys and The Saw Doctors. Drinks in suburban places with neon shamrocks in the window. Hopes to visit the Auld Sod someday,but is saving for Disney. Might know someone who can get you off jury duty.
Hunter Green: Family stayed in Dorchester . Thinks the South Shore is the Cape . Knows every Irish bar in the city. Wasn't happy this years St. Patrick's Day falls on Saturday, because it's a Suffolk County holiday and he'd normally have it off anyway. On St. Pat's, "The Leprechaun" leaves gifts for his kids like he's the Easter bunny. Has drank his way across Ireland several times.
Shamrock Green: Lived in Southie or Charlestown since birth. If he's not like one of the guys in "The Departed," he sure knows guys like them. A huge hockey fan. Everyone he knows has a nickname like Sully, Cliffy, Knotzie orFitz. Wears a scally cap. Read "Black Mass" and knew everyone in it personally. Has a tattoo of a shamrock or a harp. Drinks Guinness.
Kelly Green: Usually an older guy. Identifies locations by "parishes"as in "I grew up over in St. Marks." Can meet you and within a minute connect you to someone he knows, usually a state worker. Never misses the obituaries ("the Irish sports pages") and goes to three wakes a week.
Emerald Green: This is the genuine article. A true Mick, who no matter how many generations removed he is, still has an Irish accent. Can find a rugby match on TV any hour of the day. Doesn't say much because he's so well connected. Puts salt in his beer to keep a head on it. Could probably have you arrested, whacked, or get you a job.


This has to be the funniest thing SB ever emailed me.