Sunday, November 09, 2008

I Know There Are Things I Am Good At....

I just don't know what they are right now.

I woke up this morning and my hands were numb. This has happened a time or two, but it generally fades in a half hour or so. Not this morning. It lasted for nearly two hours. Maybe it was aggravated by the flu and pnuemonia shots I got Friday. Yesterday and today it feels like someone punched me in each arm. Not pain, just achy. So I am hoping the increased numbness is just temporary.

So I missed CCD. I couldn't very well drive up there with my hands feeling like I was wearing giant mittens. Jen says now I know how she feels.

Anyway, my Dad and my brother Frankie came back again today to work on the bedroom. This makes me feel very vulnerable. Like anyone I try to present my best side to the world - yes, this is my best side. I especially try to present it to those I want to think well of me. My father would, of course, top that list. My father has a set of priorities that does not exactly correspond to mine. There are things I have done in my life that he has been disappointed in. I am acutely aware of that. There are things I have done with the thought that he would be happy with and I have been wrong. It is what it is.

But needing him as I do with this business with the room, my faults are exposed.

I married young and quickly to a man who was not suited to me. He is a great guy and he is now happily married to his second wife. We are friends and I would do anything for him. But neither of us were suited to own a home. We aren't handy and we aren't inclined to learn. But we bought the house anyway. I used to try to cut off criticism at the pass with jokes "I own a hammer to crush ice with..." etc. The result was that when we had money we fixed things, when we didn't projects waited. Truthfully, vacations, books, dinners, etc. were all a higher priority.

Now this is something that definitely disappointed my father. I knew that. So I only talked about projects as I accomplished them and not what I wanted to get done. Like the song says, "Accentuate the positive....". But my illness forced the issue. The fact is that there will be no boon of overtime to cover this project between now and the time when I have to spend a lot of time in the room.

I spent all my energy last night cleaning the kitchen and bathroom - the living room is a lost cause since all the stuff from my bedroom is there. I was trying to catch up on all the laundry because the new dryer showed up last night. I cleaned out the junk drawer - turns out I have a hammer, a screw driver, two utility knives and a bunch of other tools, lol.

So I was just about to leave for work when they came in and we were talking about the closet. I want the opening shifted. The TV was on in the background. My father commented that it was just as well that I didn't go to CCD because I needed to think about the money I spend on gas. Then he looked at the TV and I said it was just basic cable that I got rid of HBO.

Now I am sitting in work, surfing, not quite psyched up enough to punch in and start working.

Have I mentioned how much better I liked my life before June?


Stella by Starlight said...

Sorry about your hands and that you couldn't make it to CCD.

We all have regrets, but, as concerns parents: it is every generation's duty to annoy and disappoint the one that preceeds us. We can't do everything to please our parents, we can only be true to ourselves.

I wish your life were more like before June: you've done a great job taking care of yourself. I hope you take justified pride in all that you are.

BostonMaggie said...

" is every generation's duty to annoy and disappoint the one that preceeds us..."

Well there you go Stella! You've made me a success.

Rachelle Jones said...

I wish I was closer, so I could help with I handy, not super duper handy, but hell...I can fix a toilet, and a few other things...

BostonMaggie said...

R - you are such a good egg!

Anonymous said...

Well if this keeps up, I'll send you my husband! He can help you with anything plumbing related, while you allow him to temporarily annoy YOU instead of ME! It's a win, win. lol