Grace Says I Am Obsessed With My Hair

She may have a point.

Today was the last infusion of the 5th cycle.

I am drinking tons of water. I want my time off (now until December 6th) to be the best it can be. I think I remember that it helps me recover more quickly. But I can't be sure. Was it a plan? Or a successful plan? If it was successful before, will it still work now? I don't know, but someone please ask me Monday and then jot down the results.

Grace and I met with the transplant coordinator, Denise.

I was way out of it. It was a tough week. Some infusion rooms are shared, some are singles with a geri chair. Some have a gurney....today I was grateful for the gurney. I wanted to be clear for the transplant discussion, so I skipped pain meds and ativan. Poor Grace had to watch my face while they dug for a vein in my hand. With no pain meds....that was no fun. Then I laid down on the gurney, lol.

So in comes Denise with her files. We go over some routine stuff. Yes, I have multiple myeloma. I keep talking about it to people you know. My family. My friends. I keep saying it. I am hoping someone looks at me and says "Bullshit!" "For pity's sake, get a grip. It's no big deal." But no one does.

This is not to say that people are not cheerful and hopeful and optimistic. But no one tells me what I want to hear. I want to hear that I am wrong. That I have misinterpreted something.

One of the nurses reduced the process to this "We are going to bring you to Death's Door....and then we will rescue you."

I hear Father Mahoney in my head leading us in Stations...."I am wearied with sighing."

So Denise runs through things. Some things are not as bad a I thought...or at least they are horrifying in a new way, lol. The first part, the harvest, the collection part does take 14 to 17 days. But they are outpatient days. I can stay with my parents. Why is this better? Number one, privacy. For someone who exposes her whole life out here, I value privacy. But what price privacy? A bathroom on the second floor, a bed on the third floor. I can deal with that or work around it.

I ask her about the next bone marrow biopsy. I have had one and my "involvement" was 70%. I have been reading that some doctors will not do the stem cell transplant unless the patient's "involvement" is less than 5%. I am worried that if I don't hit 5% I will be disqualified. Denise says she will check with Dr. Miller, but she believes his threshold is 20% and I should not worry. He will not cancel it, he will postpone it. He will order two more cycles if I don't hit 20%. So that was a relief. Because to have gone through this only to be disqualified would have made me mental.

But then giving me the stem cells back is inpatient for three to four weeks. I am relatively sure that I will not be allowing many visitors. And those will be infrequent. I have already informed several people that they are "not" allowed to come see me.

Denise asks if we have questions. I tell her I know my question is silly, but it's my question. I tell her that the thing that bothered me most was during my last hospitalization, I couldn't shower and wash my hair, will I be able to do that.

Poor Grace! Poor Denise! I look at their faces. I won't have any hair to wash.

Denise leaves and Grace tells me I am obsessed with my hair. She may have a point.