Thursday, January 22, 2009

You Know When People Say.....

...."I wish I wasn't right about this."???

I never understood that. Until today.

I LOVE BEING RIGHT! Until today.

I have said the words "I wish I wasn't right about this." with the proper sincere tone. But I didn't mean it. Until today.

Four four fucking months I have said "I don't have any symptoms. What if I am doing this for nothing?"

And I was RIGHT.






There was nothing wrong with me until I let them make me do things to cause problems.

Do you understand that? Because I when I tell people they just nod sympathetically. But I don't think they see.

Ask anyone who saw me in July. I was 32 lbs lighter. Tons of energy. A little tan.

And happy.

Where am I now? I told him today. I am poor and getting stupider by the minute. "By the minute?" he repeated. It's true. I waved "Sea of Thunder" at him. I gestured toward Jennifer "Do you see this? I started it last week and she wants to know why I am not finished yet. I can't focus."

He read the title. He told me not to take it the wrong way, but he thinks I am the only female patient who has ever had a book about a naval battle in his office.

Now I know how people feel when the police specialist tries to talk them off the ledge.

I probably got maybe half my points across today.

I told him that I wasn't going to do a transplant until my numbers were much better. He agreed, that made perfect sense.

He said Velcade is generally well tolerated.

That's what he said about Revlimid.



SK said...

It kinda makes you want to play 'whack a mole' using your doctor, doesn't it?

BostonMaggie said...

LOL, one of them at least.