Tuesday, June 01, 2010

I'm A Brave Person

I am a sheepdog by nature. I am a person that runs to the danger. If I had the discipline, I probably would have joined the military. I am the person who never leaves you in a tight spot. I am the first in the fight. I am also the person who steps in to break up the fight. I was a lifeguard. I am the person who ran into the water to grab the little kids when someone spotted a shark (and probably dislocated some shoulders as I flung them up onto the beach). I am the person who steps between the man with the cocked fist and his cowering wife in the supermarket freezer aisle. I am the person who looks you dead in the eye when you're scared and tells you I will never leave and I mean it.

Ok, so I knew I was a little more jumpy than normal this morning. The car thought my suitcase was a passenger & Nic was calling on the cell just as I put the car in gear. I had ringing & beeping. I jumped a mile. LOL

I went to my appointment. (Side note to My Marine - I was 10 minutes early, thank you very much). First there's check-in.....several things had changed. But hey, I haven't been there in 15 months and a week.

I dropped my labels in the blood work box and sat in the waiting area. There was a guy explaining to a woman that he knew several people "between L Street and there" who had funny things going on. We were called one right after the other for our blood draws. I said "You're from Southie?" and he said "Yeah...you?" I smiled and said "Charlestown". He looked around the waiting room of people speaking foreign languages or heavily accented English and replied "Close enough!" Yeah, I know that's parochial and xenophobic. But I am very tribal, you know that.

Then it was off the next station where they take your blood pressure and other vitals. My normal is 115 over 75. It was 151 over 90. The tech remarked on it and I laughed and said it was only because I was there. She said most people weren't that honest. Yeah...maybe not so brave.

Then it was on to the exam room. First I met Kate, the nurse practitioner. She took down all the notes on what's been going on since I was last there. I ran it down pretty matter of factly until I got to the part where we were discussing my local oncologist, Dr. Hochstin. I was explaining that in the fall I would be moving in with my parents in Charlestown because I just had my house foreclosed. Kate got this look on her face and I almost cracked.

Next up....Dr. Miller himself. I forgot how much I liked him.

So I gave him my little speech. Joint pain. Fatigue. It's been going on for months.

I wanted him to say "Well that's nerves. Multiple Myeloma doesn't work that way. Here's some anti-psychotic drugs. Go away."

Yeah, no, he didn't.

Instead, he started to talk about treatment and Revlimid. I reflexively said "NO!" when he mentioned it. LOL I wasn't even listening to what he was saying. I calmed down, we worked out a plan.

I go back next Friday for a full skeletal survey and some more blood work. Then the week after. He is going to become my primary oncologist. Good thing I like him.


MaryR said...

You are brave Maggie

Kanani said...

Ack. You killed me with this post, Maggie. Yup, you're brave. Braver than most.