Wednesday, December 02, 2009


My company has been under the gun because of a paperwork glitch between Medicare, our surety bond underwriter and NSC. If the NSC had shut off our supplier number on 10 DEC as scheduled it would have been disasterous. It was possible that I would be laid off next week.

I counselled calm.

I worked hard communicating with the different entities. I was charming where that helped and tough when necessary.

If our number had been revoked on December 10th as threatened, I would have rebuked for having faith in myself and the system. I said repeatedly that it would all work out. I said not to panic.

If the worst had happened and the number had been revoked, I would have taken heat. Even though nothing would have been gained by panicking, people would have been angry with me. That's just the way this works.

But I was right. So it is a huge relief on all counts.

In discussing this matter with my boss I explained that part of the reason I didn't panic is that soon enough I will have to leave anyway. If we were laid off next week, it would have simply moved my timetable up a little. I am 18 months into the 36 to 48 month window the doctors have laid out for me. They told me I could be symptom free for as long as 3 or 4 years. So I know it's all borrowed time. All around me people with multiple myeloma deteriorate, it's just a matter of time. And even I know that I have to go into this next round of treatment sooner rather than later. I know I have created quite the fantasy world for myself here....but even I know reality is just outside my bubble.

But in the meantime, I am still the Dirty Harry of this office and I did navigate these turbulent waters while keeping everyone in the lifeboat from swamping it. I rock!

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