Now I Understand

How some people crack under the pressure of certain interrogation techniques. Last night I was subjected to sleep deprivation and I came close to cracking.

Yesterday I got up early, did laundry, dishes, got into work, spent nine hours there, went to an election (DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THAT!!!) and then dinner with Jen & Ed. I wanted to be home by 11. I had a full day. I wanted to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. I wanted to be in good shape to repeat my productive day on Friday.

But no. Ed & Jen kept me out until 1 am. Fine, it's not too bad. I got in the house, it was empty. Good. Threw in a load of laundry. Good. Went into the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth. Good. Just needed to dash off a quick email to SB and then off to bed. All good, right?

No.

First Tom comes in. He works odd hours and we don't see much of each other. So he thought this was a good time to talk. OK

Then in comes Frank. He directs his friends to the back porch and joins in the conversation with Tom and I.

They decide this is a good time to talk to me about holding grudges. I can, they can't. I am endlessly frustrated with them. I tell them it is defective genes from their father's side. I tell them I love them anyway.

They are pleading the case of a young man I will not speak to. The boy in question has literally known my family his whole life. He lived across the street more than half his life. He was Tommy and Frankie's friend. One day while I was at work, Tom was away at college and Frank was at another friend's house, my ex caught this boy trying to steal Frank's Play Station. After John and I divorced he rented a house on the same street to be close to the boys. People thought it was strange, but we get along really well. When things at my ex's house got too chaotic, he would slip down to my house and catch his breath (yeah, I know it's weird). On this day, John walked into the house just as this boy was coming to the door, but bending down as thought he were tying his shoe lace. John asked what he was doing in the house, he said he was waiting for Frank. John spoke firmly to him that if we weren't home, he shouldn't be in the house. Yeah, I know, but it was that kind of house, people came and went.....Frank was very popular, there were and still are constant visitors. The boy got in his car and left. John went into my room and called me at work. I was ballistic! I knew this kid had been getting into trouble everywhere and I wasn't crazy about him being in my house at al, let alone, by himself! We hung up and John settled in to read and make a few phone calls.....enjoy his downtime. My house was his rec room or study, if you will, lol! After about a half hour, he is refreshed and recharged and ready to head back up the street. As he walk to the front door, he sees this kid coming back and preparing to walk right through the front door. John stops and watches as he indeed comes right back through, no knocking. John says "Hey!" The boy looks stammers that he was just checking to see if Frank is back, yada, yada. John tells him very sternly to NEVER come into the house without knocking and being admitted. the boy apologized and left. Then John looked down. There, beside the door, and the floor, was Frankie's Play Station. When John saw him bending down that first time, he was hiding that Play Station by the door so he could come back later. The boy drove around until he thought John was gone and came back to retrieve the Play Station.

That's not a bad impulse. That's not an error in judgement. So no, there will be no forgiveness.

We went around and around. It was so late. I was so tired. I almost cracked.

What saved me? Well I don't go into these things unarmed! I whipped out my "I am your mother and you should not question me!"

Thankfully, I escaped to bed, my grudges intact. Now, I'm exhausted.