Saturday, August 09, 2014

Let's Make Sure This Doesn't Happen Again

Last Sunday, My Marine had to use the Pike.
And boy!  Was he steamed!  I can tell you, "steamed Marine" is not as much fun as "hot Marine".

So let us not have a repeat tomorrow.
First - If you are not the fastest car in the passing lane - GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!  I can only say this is truly one of my pet peeves as well.  If there was one thing I drilled into all my boys as they got their licenses, it was; Don't be that ahhsshole!  The left lane is for passing and going fast.  I do not care what the speed limit is, you do NOT get to decide how fast other drivers go.  If you are tooling along in a 55 doing 65 and a trail of cars are building up behind you, move right.  And the fact that you are already exceeding the speed limit is no excuse. You go as fast as you want to go and the other driver will go as fast as he/she wants to go.  I have heard people say "Sheesh!  It's a 60 and I'm doing 70.  What do they want?"  They want you to move your stupid, inconsiderate ahhss over.  It doesn't take a psychic to read someone's mind in this situation.  If the other driver wants to go faster, it's not your call.  If he wants to exceed the speed limit, it's none of your business.  If he's breaking the law, you are not the State Police.  Unless you are the State Police and then the person nudging you to speed up or move is a clown.  Pull him over and club him.

Next - I don't know what you choose to call it; turn signal, directional, whatever.  Here on the Mass Pike we call it a "blinkah".  The purpose of the blinkah is to let other drivers know what you are about to do.  It is not part of the game "Red Light" as in......1, 2, 3, I'm in your lane just as I turn on my blinkah.  It is supposed to go on ahead of your move so other drivers can adjust their moves.  Now don't whine "But when I put on my blinkah sometimes the other driver speeds up and blocks me!"  Yeah, we've all driven next to that ahhsshole.  That's life.  It's not an excuse to be an ahhsshole yourself.  One or two car lengths isn't gonna kill you.  And if you needed to be in that lane immediately, you planned poorly.  So it's half your fault.

Do I really have to say "Don't text while you drive"?
 Do I have to say "Don't use your phone if it's not hands-free"?  Do I really have to point out that NO ONE can drive well and text?  Sure you can get lucky.  The road could be straight and flat.  You could have the thumbs of a thirteen year old girl.  The road could be kind of empty.  But the truth is when you are in actual traffic, your phone should not be in use.  When I see someone with the phone tucked at their shoulder I know they are A) distracted and B) creating a blind spot because they can't move their head.  And Heavens forfend you drop it!  Now you are really distracted.

Most people when asked, rate themselves as "better than average" drivers.  You know that's impossible.  So some of you suck.  And when you drive slowly in the passing lane, ride up people's bumpers, give them "brake jobs" or "life lessons", flash your brights, fail to use your blinkah properly or not at all or talk/ suck even more.

So don't do those things on The Pike.  I have a hot date coming up with My Marine and I need him there in one piece.

Because remember - in the end, it's all about me.


Anonymous said...

What is the George Carlin quote about the highways - "anyone going slower than you is an A@@hole and anyone going faster than you is an Idiot

Wonder we get anywhere given that the road is filled with A@@holes and Idiots!"

Anonymous said...

I miss a lot of things about Mass., but the Pike ain't one of them. Or the drivers. I myself, of course, am an excellent driver. Excellent.