Faking It Till You Make It

I have many caring friends and neighbors. I should be more grateful....that's a recurring theme here, isn't it? LOL

People see me and say "How are you feeling?" in this cautious tone. I am conflicted. And depending on the mood I have to bite back all kinds of things.

Friday morning I was walking down the front steps.....slowly. I was a little shaky and my little chemo induced depth perception problem makes me nervous on stairs. I was hoping that the woman I saw approaching the house wasn't anyone I knew. No luck.

"Oh hi! Diane! How are you feeling? You look good." the woman called out from the embankment directly across from the end of the drive way. She stopped, she wanted to talk.

I answered with my standard "It's a good day!" and I smiled but I kept right on moving to the car. She mentioned that she missed me at the meeting for election workers. I said I didn't do that anymore and she said that she knew that in this sad tone. Yeah, I'm sad too. I have been an election worker for twenty years or more. But I don't have the stamina or the brain power anymore. And this Tuesday will be a steroid day....imagine the person who tries to use a cell phone or argues about which ballot they get????? Local news trucks would be racing to Kingston to get footage of the blood on the floor!

Anyway, I said I'd see her Tuesday when I was in to vote. That I can manage.

Saturday I woke up on a total high. Friday was such a victory!

First person who asked me....THE QUESTION was my cousin Jeannie who is down the cottage this weekend. I said "It's a good day!" and this time I was completely sincere. I had slept well and gotten up early. I made breakfast, cleaned my room, and was in the middle of some 9/11 tweets. Several of my tweeps (@s_dog; @KathyK55; & @TheLoon ) had put up the names of 9/11 victims and I was retweeting them. I also RT'd @HerbCarmen's timeline for #WhereWereYou. I think that was an extremely good use of Twitter. I steered clear of all the political stuff....and the angry stuff. September 11th should be about remembering the victims and honoring the sacrifices of 1st responders. I also RT''d people who were doing the same with photo's and newsclips.

So it was a good morning. I had a little energy boost from the steroid and I was in a good mood so no one's life was in danger.

Around noon I decided we'd have chicken for dinner and started making a list. I stopped at my old house to grab some stuff that I am giving to the girls in work and some trash to throw in the dumpster. Then it was up to the cottage, Jeannie wanted me to look at a picture on the wall and tell her some of the people in it. It was the Rocky Nook Winter Banquet from 1959. She found our grandparents and I pointed out our grandfather's sister and brother-in-law; our next-door neighbors and our Uncle Walter. On the way back to the car, I saw that same next door neighbor's grandson-in-law....that's how the Nook is. Same question/same answer, but I was slowing down.

I stopped in work and my boss was there. Same question/same answer, but I can feel myself fading.

I was listening to Joe & Huggy on WTKK. I called in and told them a joke and they were very gracious about missing me. Their first question.....Yup, you guessed it! I was a faithful listener when I worked Saturdays, but it's been a while. They know how sick I am and Joe struggled to explain my absence saying the I've been "under the weather". I laughed at that one.

I spent an interminable amount of time in Walmart. It was crowded, but the problem was me, me, me despite having a list in hand....argghhh!!!

By the time I got back to the house another neighbor spotted me and asked "How are you?" and I wanted to yell "Stop looking at me! Stop talking to me! Stop asking me!"

But I didn't. I said "It's a good day!"

LOL and for the most part it was. Although dinner Jennifer didn't get her dinner until 7:45 pm, lol.

We watched a little of the 9/11 stuff, but it is so painful. Mostly we watched the Food Paradise marathon on the Travel Channel. I wrote down some of the places I want to go. I'm still working on these adventures! There are a couple in Brooklyn. Anybody up for that adventure with me? Peter Luger's Steak House; the Chip Shop for fried candy bars?

And now? I am wide awake with heartburn and hot flashes.....lol! If you see me tomorrow....just look away.