Passion.......Commitment......and Waiting

For a couple of days we have been discussing military families and "waiting" over at The Castle. May was Military Appreciation month & Military Spouse Appreciation Day was the 11th. I haven't said much. I am not a military spouse. When I read this post over at The Castle, I blogged about it briefly here. I gave it a lot of thought before I commented over there.

The whole "waiting" thing............it's something you get.......or you just don't get. It's not just the military, as the Armorer points out. It's law enforcement and firefighters, too.

This is what I wrote over there.

I thought about this for quite a while before deciding to comment. While the favorite Naval Consort and I are not married, it's safe to say when he is in the Sandbox, I am "waiting".

Some of this discussion is about how can one bear "waiting" and how can someone go and leave their loved one to "wait". I have had this discussion with some people outside of the blogosphere (yeah, I still have non-Internet relationships) and I am always surprised by the question. We marvel at the other person's mindset.

For myself, personally, there never was a choice. This matter was never considered at any time. Nor was it ever discussed with the favorite Naval Consort, except in passing "so-and-so asked me......". We are equally surprised by people's questioning of our situation.

He is currently preparing his unit for a trip to the Sandbox. It will be his third deployment since 9/11 and there have been several mini-trips along the way. He. Is. Pumped. LOL He is not bloodthirsty, he is not a warmonger. He has a mission. He has sailors to train and prepare and equip. He is more alive than any ten other men. He has a purpose. He will execute the mission and return with every sailor.

And I will wait. I don't choose to wait. I don't choose to breath. I don't choose for my heart to beat in this rhythm.

When he returns, he will be white-fucking-hot. He will not *knock* my socks off....he will *melt* them.

And if, heaven's forfend, this is the time he does not return..........I would celebrate what we had. Because we will have had more in our time together than most people I know will have in their lifetime. My love for M&Ms doesn't reflect it, but I am actually a *quality* not a *quantity* girl. Not that it matters, I could no more choose not to "wait" than I could choose not to breath. This is who he is. This is who he was born to be.

He had someone in the unit come to him and ask to be reassigned. The man stated that his wife had put the choice to him. This deployment or me. SB honored the man's request. Said it was better she told him now. Said she had stood by him during his last deployment. Overall, SB was far more understanding than I was. I bit my tongue. It is enough that I am so lucky.

I am paraphrasing (and I may not have it right) here, but I believe John Adams said, "There are two kinds of people of any worth in this world, those with a purpose and those who acquire the purpose of others." SB has a purpose. It makes him more alive, more valuable, more *everything* than any other man I know.

Having him is a gift. Fulfilling the mission is who he is. So how can waiting be a burden?

I did have the Adams quote wrong. It is not actually a true John Adams quote. it's from the movie "1776" which I love. I'd like to think Adams would have agreed with it. The actual quote was this: "There are only two creatures of value on the face of this earth: those with a commitment, and those who require the commitment of others." It still fits.